Alana's Horse and cowboy jokes and some other Funnies Hey All Just wanted to let ya know we have a new addition to our family! Cody Damon was born Oct. 14, 2003 weighing in at 2 lbs and 10 ounces but he is a big boy now! and doing great! will post new pics eventually!
Hello ya'll and thanks for stopping by! I hope you enjoy what ya find here and remember to please let me know any of your comments either by way of e-mail or sign the guestbook! I only write back to those that want me too! I try not to be a pest! Try is the key word! Well a bit bout me My name is Alana and i am 38! I hope ya'll enjoy my site and let me know if ya do or if ya dont cause after all it is for ya'll! Have a great day!!!!!
The Horse Seller
The seller said,There's something you should know about the horse. He stops running when you say, 'Amen,' and he starts running when you say, 'Praise the Lord. No problem," the other man said, "I'll take it."
the man began to ride away on the horse. He decided to test the horse. "Amen," he said, and the horse stopped on the road just as the other man had said."Praise the Lord!" The horse took off running like mad. The rider held on as tight as he could. As he noticed they were racing towards a cliff, he begin screaming, "Stop!!! Stop, you stupid horse!! Whoah!!" Nothing worked. So he began praying, "Dear God, PLEASE let the horse stop! PLEASE!!! AMEN!" The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. With great enthusiasm and joy the man screamed, "PRAISE THE LORD!!"
Two Cowboys from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm agonna go over there and help." He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no. With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works."
Broke is what happens when a cowboys yearnin get bigger than his earnins |
A little cowboy humor
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar and with a quick move of his hands, he flipped his guns into the air, caught them above his head without even looking and fired at the ceiling. Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss!?" he yelled. No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have anotha beer, and if my hoss ain't back outside by the time I finnish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! As he swung up into the saddle and started to ride out of town, the bartender ran out of the saloon and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I walked home."
Three Texans go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done. The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Baylor School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and they let him go. The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Texas School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side and let him go. The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a Texas Aggie Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires."
Save a horse Ride a cowboy |
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The Easterner
The eastern lady who was all ready to take a horseback ride said to the cowboy, "Can you get me a nice gentle pony?" "Shore," said the cowboy. "What kind of a saddle do you want, English or western?" "What's the difference?" asked the lady. "The western saddle has a horn on it," said the cowboy. "If the traffic is so thick here in the mountains that I need a horn on my saddle, I don't believe I want to ride."
Why do cowgirls walk bow-legged? Because Cowboys eat with their hats on
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Ten
Things You Won't Hear Your Horse Say
. Don't clean out my stall. I adore the smell.
. No thanks, one can of oats is enough for me. . I just love traveling in a hot trailer. . Mr. Farrier, please don't stop pounding on my hooves. . Theres room for one more on my back. . I feel like galloping another 20 miles. . Low Branch! Duck! . You can go ahead and leave, I'll wash myself down. . Can we do this again tomorrow? |
SOME COWBOY INSULTS
His family tree was a shrub.
He didn't have nuthin' under his hat but
hair.
His brain cavity wouldn't make a drinkin' cup for a canary bird.
She's so ugly, she could back a buzzard off a gut-wagon.
He was so ugly he had to sneak up on a dipper to get a drink of water.
He was so lazy, molasses wouldn't run down his legs.
He was ugly as a burnt boot.
There was once an old-time cowhand who ordered some toilet paper from a mail-order catalog. They wrote back and requested that he look in his catalog to give them the exact order number. He answered 'em right back and told them that if he had their catalog, he sure wouldn't need the toilet paper.
The Priest
A priest wanted to raise money for his church, and being told that there
was a future in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter
him in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for a
horse was so steep that he ended up buying a donkey instead.
He figured that since he had it, he might just as well enter it in the
race. To his surprise, the Donkey came in third. The next day, the
racing sheet carried this headline: "PRIEST'S ASS SHOWS".
The priest was pleased with the donkey and entered it in the races
again. This time it won. The paper read: "PRIEST'S ASS OUT FRONT".
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
priest not to enter the donkey in anymore races. The newspapers read:
"BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST'S ASS".
This was just too much for the bishop and he ordered the priest to get
rid of the donkey. The priest gave the donkey to a nun at a nearby
convent and the headlines read: "NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN".
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to dispose
of the donkey. She sold it to a farmer for $10.00. The paper stated:
"NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS".
They buried the Bishop the next
day......
A Cowboys Rules for his gal:
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask me.
Don't cut your hair. Ever.
If you ask a question you don't want
an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Sometimes, I'm not thinking about
you. Live with it.
Don't ask me what I'm thinking about
unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, shotgun
shells and saddle soap.
Get rid of your cat. And no, it's
not different, it's
just like every other cat.(Yeah you, Cat lady!)
Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
Shopping is not sport.
Anything you wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly,
he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding
a frying pan in hand.
Man: "What was that for?"
Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy"
written on it?"
Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse
races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on."
The wife was satisfied, and appologized for bonking him.
Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he
is bonked on the head.
Man: "What's that for this time?"
Wife: "Your horse called."
You are visitor # since Dec 23,1999
My other Pages Check them out too!
My Whynot
page a lot more jokes
Don't ask why Just go! Funny stuff!
My Home
Page and yeah there are more Jokes there too!
Don't ask me why but check it out!
My Picture page
A page full of pictures of me and my family and of course all my crazy friends!
My page dedicated
to Dad The Greatest man of all times!!!!!
A page dedicated to DAD! Some poems and other stuff!
Our Cancun trip Feb. 2000 just a bunch of pictures of the three crazy amigas! and our Mexico adventure!
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